The smiles of Mr. E

Invisible Kid

You'd think a boy as BIG as me,
Who weighs some 15 pounds...
Would be an easy sight to see
While lying on the ground!

But I can lie here very still,
As quiet as a mouse.
And no one seems to even know...
That I am in the house!

Like hunting rabbits in the woods,
My camouflage on tight.
I'm right before your very eyes...
Hidden in plain sight!

So if you're trompin in these parts,
Be careful where you walk,
Or you will step on me and then...
For sure you'll hear a squawk!

'Cause I'm invisible you see,
In my cute hunting suit.
And you will never know I'm here...
Unless I slip, and toot!

America's Most Wanted

BOLO-BOLO-BOLO-BOLO (Be on the Look Out)

Have you seen this Fugitive?


The Fugitive known as "Pork Chops Eat'n"

Here is a side view of those chops:


Look at the size of those whoppers!

Approach with CAUTION, this guy is no one to fool with:


BEWARE of his accomplices, the toughest is pictured here:

AKA 'Smoochie the Cuddler'

He's possibly being harbored by this woman:

AKA 'Computer Hack Grak-e-ella" - Don't let her innocent looks fool ya...she's mean as mean can be, She can take your computer out with a single key stroke!

Pork Chops Eat'n is a master of disguise. He could be anywhere, using any one of his numerous disguises:


Puppy Dog Eyes Eat'n:


Ahhh ShutUp Eat'n:


Ehh, You talkin to me Eat'n:


Giggle Pants Eat'n:


I Didn't Do it Eat'n:


Straight Face Eat'n:


U want a Piece of me Eat'n?:



And "Ain't I Adorable Eat'n":


If you see this Desparado...do not attempt to pick him up, smooch him, or grab those chubby little cheeks! Consider him 'Charmed & Courageous'...He will use every trick in the book to get what he wants. And he is a master at his craft! This is your last warning...don't get sucked into the 'Nightlight Zone' for there is no coming back.

Whooooooooooo...Just you wait till Halloween!

Hunk-a-Hunk-a-Burning Love

How 'you' doin? How about that bicep??

Bubbles and Babbling

There's really not that much to do,
When you're just 3 months old.
'Cept sit around in some old swing...
And wish your toe's weren't cold.

So I just sit for quite some time,
Staring at my mobile.
And as the drool begins to flow...
I soon start blowing bubbles!

It's really not a lot of fun,
But I don't have the options;
'Cause I don't have the strength I need...
To put myself in motion.

So if I want to move somewhere,
I have to start to cry.
Then, someone will come to me...
Though they...will not know why.

They'll pick me up and give a hug,
And talk some baby talk.
Then stick a bottle in my mouth...
Then swaddle me and rock.

And when I'm not-a-blowin-bubbles...
I really like to cooo.
And though I don't make too much sense,
I ramble, squeek, and toot.

I kinda looks like I can talk,
Yet no one understands,
A single word that I have said...
So, I'll just wave my hands.

My speech, my hands, my flailing feet,
Don't seem to work in sync.
But I am trying hard to speak...
No matter what 'you' think!

So yes, I'm learning every day,
And in language...I am dabbling.
So I'll just keep, a keepin on...
'Blowing Bubbles, and a Babbling'!

The Grand Scheme...

The plan, right from the very beginning, has been to drive my Mother and Father over the edge. To push them to the brink of insanity...and to smile as the plan comes together:



Granted, driving them crazy is not such a long trip. For my Dad, in fact, it's just a hop across the street:



But my Mother...she's a nut that's not that easy to crack:



And to be honest, I think my big sister is on to my little plan:




Just the other day I caught her spying on me. She is no doubt gathering evidence to expose 'Operation Krazy Folks':



Don't think me as 'disturbed'...I assure you I am perfectly sane:



The 'Plan' began with 12 days in the NICU. That in itself will push any parent 'over the edge'! And the more tubes and wires the more effective the scheme became:




And a little drama always helps:



Next, throw in a little eating problem...multiple formula changes...reflux...



A really BIG dose of Colic:



A good scary rash on the face:




And it all becomes 'Oh so easy':



With Sister wise to my tricks...I have to sleep with one eye open:




And I have to look all cute and innocent:





And never look grumpy when visitors are about:



The plan is perfectly scripted, and I'm almost there...



In fact, if I do say so myself, it's "So far, so goo goo gooood!"



See, my Dad really is bonkers! And you thought I was the crazy one!!!!

War Stories

"I'll tell ya a story about the time General Patton and I stormed that beach in '41. It was tough see, and a lot of good soldiers died that day...




General Ethan (EEEH) A. Gardner,Third Battalion, Bottle Brigade

Trying to make Ethan laugh...

Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am
doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?



"That's not funny Dad!"


One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.
After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he opened the diaper, he found was
indeed full.
"Here's the problem," the doctor explained. "He just needs to be changed."
The perplexed father remarked, "But the diaper package specifically says it's good for up to 10 pounds!"

"Keep trying Dad! You almost made me laugh..."


Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants.
As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?"
"Yes," I replied, "That is a good analogy."
"I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?"


"Cute one Dad! I must be a Monster Burrito!"


How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?








You rock-et.



"Good one Dad!"